So I'm sitting there, watching these videos, feeling absolutely terrible. And about fifteen songs into the countdown, I was hit with an epiphany.
Girls no longer wear pants or even try to cover their asses anymore in music videos. It's all hot pants or leotards or super mini skirts. I'm not even going to rant on about how this can be related to how we're trying to show young girls they need to appear. I'm not really into that feminist ranting bullshit.
No.
This is simply about the fact that no one wears pants or shorts or acceptable skirts that thoroughly cover one's ass.
This observation isn't even something I can pin only on artists I dislike...but on those that I really honestly enjoy.
It's like pants went out of style like acid wash jeans did.
Here's my evidence:
The Charged: Britney Spears
First Time Offense? Somewhat...The lack of pants in this video is a record...but she usually covers her ass.
Video: "Circus"
We all know I love Britney. We all know I love this song. We all know I love this video. What I understand is why she doesn't wear pants in this video. I mean, who wears pants to a circus? Okay. So a lot of people wear pants to a circus...but at a Britney Spears circus who wears pants? I guess that's the very skewed point that I'm trying to make.
The Charged: Maja Ivarsson
First Time Offense? Repeat Offender
Video: "Queen of Apology" Live in Finland
Okay. So it may not technically be a "music video" but it's official and therefore I count it. Maja is one of those female singers in an otherwise Swedish guy band...and she's absolutely incredible. She's also guilty of performing in outfits like the one above. Often. At concerts. On live TV appearances.
The Charged: Lady Gaga
First Time Offense? No. Total Repeat Offender. Like an every video repeat offender.
Video: "Lovegame" & "Poker Face" & "Eh Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say)" & "Beautiful Dirty Rich" & "Just Dance"
Seriously. Lady Gaga's music is so fucking infectious. When I was living in North Carolina, I helped my aunt paint her downstairs bathroom...and had "The Fame" on repeat the whole time. Her music is so much fun to dance to. But she never wears pants. Okay. So that's a lie. She usually starts out in something that somewhat covers her ass, then somewhere during the video, she loses said ass-coverage. For example, at the start of "Poker Face" she has tight leather pants on. They look like they're painted on her. But 58 seconds into it...she is wearing this blue leotard that looks like a throwback to Britney's airline hostess outfit in "Toxic." See?
She was even cited by a bike cop a few years ago at a music festival for indecent exposure because she was wearing hot pants around.
I give her props for sticking to her image at all times...but want to know if in a past life she was strangled with a pair of pants or something.
The Charged: Rihanna
First Time Offense? Yes...but only as of late.
Video: "Disturbia" and "Umbrella"
I have this love/hate relationship with David LaChapelle who shot Rihanna's "Disturbia" video. He does some totally awesome things -- like this video -- then some really really weird things (have you seen half his photographic portfolio???). But she doesn't wear pants in this video. She's been doing this the past few years though. "Umbrella" lacked pants too. She also stole my haircut.
The Charged: Beyonce
First Time Offense? We'll say yes, for the simple fact that I don't feel like going back and watching multiple Beyonce or Destiny's Child videos at the moment. We'll let her off with a warning.
Video: "Single Ladies"
Okay. So the purist in me hates Beyonce for going solo and leaving Destiny's Child behind (even though we all know Destiny's Child was pretty much Beyonce with the other two put in every now and again). But I kind of really like this song...and how simple the video is. But she still isn't wearing pants.
So there's all the evidence I'm willing to drudge up right now.
But seriously.
Is there a pant shortage in Hollywood? Are leotards making a comeback?
Good God...I hope not.
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