Been listening to an awful lot of Internet radio lately...which means that new artists are constantly bombarding me. Alternative artists, pop artists, crappy R&B artists. We listen to it all at work.
Which is how I first heard Ke$ha's "TiK ToK."
Bad spelling and horrible punctuation aside (along with disregarding the money sign in her name), as infectious as the beat and chorus are...there are quite a few problems that I do have with the song...and they all reside in the lyrics.
Lyrics in Question:
Wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy. Okay, first of all, if you're waking up and feeling like P. Diddy, I'm extremely worried. Unless you really are P. Diddy. If he woke up as, say, Britney Spears, then I'd be worried about him. But Ke$ha (God, it makes me cringe to write her name that way), you're about as far away from P. Diddy as you can get. You have a vagina. You're nearly albino (I think. I don't feel like Googling photos of her right now). You don't really rap. I'm not sure what it is that I'd call your music. Speak singing, I guess. More singing, but definate speaking. But not rapping.
Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack. Now, I know this is Jack Daniels. And that's disgusting. Is she like dipping the toothbrush into a bottle of whiskey? Or just swigging it? Because either way, I really don't think that her dentist or the ADA are going to be thrilled that she's advertising such horrible dental practices.
Boys blowing up our phones, phones.
Clearly she's hanging out with the wrong boys. If the group of guys that I was around was blowing up my phone, I'd be pissed.
Trying to get a little bit tipsy Shouldn't be a problem if you're brushing your teeth with Jack Daniels.
And now, the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger. But we kick em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger. For real? Mick freaking JAGGER? That's who she's looking for?! Oh the friggen disappointment.
Boys tryin' to touch my junk, junk. Um. Junk as in you're not really a girl kind of junk? Or junk like old tuna cans and Popsicle sticks?
The song then goes on to turn into a love song pretty much to the DJ. Which I don't get. She has all the above wonderful lines and then it's all about how she likes the song that the DJ is playing. I don't get it.
I don't get what it takes to make it to radio airplay.
And I don't get why they put these songs to such infectious beats so that I won't quit listening to them.
It's that time of year again...time for my favorite pop culture...crap. Scientifically and meticulously calculated (but not really).
So here you go...my ultimate list of top fives from the year. Top movies. Top albums. Top whatever I feel like topping. And if that sentence looks like I ripped it off last year's list...well you're correct. It is the same.
But alas...here it is...the new improved (NEW CATEGORIES!) list!
Top Five Movies of 2009 EDITED 12/25/09
5. Where the Wild Things Are I've always loved the darker childrens stories. This was perfection and made me absolutely cry my eyes out in the end.
4. Drag Me To Hell So cheesy. So disgusting. So creepy. Beyond words. And what an absolutely fantastic ending.
3. (500) Days of Summer This movie was absolute, beautiful perfection. Heartbreaking, funny, simple, complex. Loved it.
2. I Love You Man Not only does it have Jason Segel in it...but it was fantastic and a new twist on a typical male bonding comedy. Plus, I did mention the genius that is Jason Segel, didn't I?
I also think what made seeing this movie in the theater so worthwhile was the woman sitting in the front laughing at every little nuance. Usually that annoys the shit out of me, but her laugh was AWESOME.
1. The Hangover All I can do is shake my head. What a great way to start an otherwise crappy summer movie season. Sadly, nothing lived up to its caliber.
Honorable Mentions The Fourth Kind Sorority Row (SO BAD that it was good) Jennifer's Body Taken
Top Five TV Shows of 2009
5. Bones Back when I was obsessed with watching every season of Buffy from beginning to end (much like my current predicament with the X-Files), I really never saw the appeal of David Boreanaz. I was a total Buffy/Spike fan and thought Angel was just...a wimp (until he and Buffy did the nasty and that whole happiness gypsy curse kicked in). And I didn't get the appeal.
Thanks to Bones...I get it.
This show is just so well written and Boreanaz and Emily Deschanel are just so well suited for one another. It's humorous. It's entertaining. And it's a must for this year.
4. It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia Number 2 in 2008 Damn you Mari. Still. For getting me hooked on this show.
And damn those Sunny kids for having some of the best moments EVER on this show in Season 5...the best by far being Charlie's "Kitten Mittons." Thinking about it STILL cracks me up.
It's so socially unacceptable, which is, of course, what I love so much about it.
Not to mention that the gang released "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia: A Very Sunny Christmas" which puts a much needed humorous tone to a household where my father watches countless Hallmark Christmas movies. Charlie biting Santa? Mac's dad stealing their Christmas gifts? Classic.
3. How I Met Your Mother Number 4 in 2008 Jason Segel reference 2.
Now that that's out of the way. Still loving this show. Still loving the heart and the acting and the chemistry between the cast. They finally got nominated for their Emmy Nomination this past year...and while they may not have won, it was still awesome that this show finally got recognized for being as awesome as it is.
2. Glee My only problem with Glee is that when it's over, I'm amped up and ready for the next show.
There are so many reasons why this show shouldn't work...it's cheesy. It's got random burst-into-song moments. It's got every cliche in it: the cheerleader, the pregnant girl, the classic Footballers rule the school ideal.
But it works. Oh how it works.
I love this show. Love it. And am super pissed that after this week's Mid-Season finale, I'm going to have to wait till April for new episodes (DAMN YOU IDOL).
But while Glee's fantastic...it's still not enough to beat out...
1. Dexter Number 1 in 2008 I know I've mentioned this before. Season 1: Perfection. Season 2: Horrid. Season 3: Slowly getting better. But Season 4? Season 4: Better than ever. John Lithgow's story arc breathed new life into the series and gave it the jolt that it needed. And Michael C. Hall? Better than freaking ever as Dexter. Jeff Lindsay's characters got the respect they deserved back (except for Rita maybe...). With 2 episodes left of the season that's shocked me (and a finale that's supposedly going to be even more shocking {Please, please, please have either A. Deb find out about Dexter's pasttime or B. Go with the Dexter book storyline of the kids -- or one of them, at least -- starting to show some serial killer tendancies}), I cannot get enough.
Honorable Mentions Fringe (Just Missed the Cut Off) The Big Bang Theory So You Think You Can Dance (Not in the top 5 because I'm still bitter about Kayla's loss) Harper's Island The United States of Tara Project Runway (See SYTYCD analysis and replace Kayla with Carol Hannah) Nip/Tuck (Almost, but not quite) -- Number 5 in 2008
Top Five Albums of 2009
5. Cobra Starship -- "Hot Mess" Cobra Starship is a band that I have always felt like I should dislike just by the concept alone, but dammit if I don't absolutely love their music. It's just too catchy and fun. And Gabe Saporta? You can tell the guy totally loves what he's doing he. He may be one of douche bag Pete Wentz's BFFs...but it's nice to see him stick to his guns. He knows his music isn't about the seriousness...but the fun. Plus, having Leighton Meester sing the the first single off the album? Ballsy. And so very epic.
4. Rihanna -- "Rated R" A few years ago when Britney was going through her mental crisis and absolute manic behavior..."Blackout" arrived. It was the diamond in the rough of that period of her life and to me...her best album to date.
To get to my point..."Rated R" is to Rihanna what "Blackout" was to Britney. After the year that Rihanna's had comes this album. Is it heavy? Yes. Do any of the songs scream "Umbrella Part II" (except for parts of "Hard")? Not really. But maybe that's why I love this so much.
"Good Girl Gone Bad" was a fantastic album, but certain songs on it didn't really flow. While a few here don't either...it's still a fantastic listen.
3. Taking Back Sunday -- "New Again" Love Taking Back Sunday. Love this album. TBS still has yet to disappoint me.
2. The Sounds -- "Crossing the Rubicon" It may not be "Dying to Say This to You" or a few songs off of "Living in America," but this is still incredible and plays really incredibly well live. And "Beatbox"...Well...Just wait.
1. Lily Allen -- "It's Not Me, It's You"I. Still. Love. This. Album.
Not only do I love Lily herself...but her music is just so different from anything I listen to. I also love the fact that when she sings she keeps that British accent of hers. I think part of why I love her so much is that when I listen to her...I can close my eyes and just feel like I'm back in London.
But love for Lily aside, I love the song content on this album. From talking about the prescription drug love affair in "Everyone's At It" to culture being shaped by media in "The Fear" this album is just incredible. Every song's different, but cohesive. Want catchy but witty? Check out "Fuck You" (the catchiest chorus on the disc). Ever sat and wondered what God's really like? Try "Him." I love the way that she sings and sounds just so...pleasant...when the lyrics can just be so incredibly dark and thought provoking.
Just...absolute perfection.
Honorable Mentions Natalie Imbruglia -- "Come to Life" Allison Iraheta -- "Just Like You" Kris Allen -- "Self-Titled" La Roux -- "Self-Titled" Little Boots -- "Hands"
Top Five Singles of 2009
5. La Roux -- "Bulletproof" Go ahead. I dare you not to move a single muscle listening to this song. Sure, this was the year that I fell in love with "Eurotrash" (AKA what I call European pop music), but this song would still be fantastic if I hadn't. Pure originality.
Best Lyric: I'm not turned off to love until it's cheap.
4. Metric -- "Help, I'm Alive" Blogged about this (and many of the other things) on this blog already. Love the lyrics. Love the music. Etc. Etc.
Best Lyric: Help I'm alive/My heart keeps beating like a hammer.
3. Little Boots -- "Remedy" Love the remix of this...the radio remix. The album version is still good, but the radio remix is just...harder and more dancier.
Best Lyric: Spin me faster like a kaleidoscope/All I've got's the floor./Yeah, you can try but I've found the antidote,/Music is the cure.
2. Lily Allen -- "The Fear" See above, thank you very much.
Best Lyric: Forget about guns and forget ammunition/Cause I’m killing them all on my own little mission./Now I’m not a saint but I’m not a sinner/And everything's cool as long as I’m gettin thinner.
1. The Sounds -- "Beatbox" While Rubicon is a good album and all...this is, by far, the best offering on the entire thing...and comes THIS close to beating out "Queen of Apology" as my favorite Sounds song. From it's beat, so the lyrics, it's just TOO damn catchy. Whenever it comes on and I'm in my car, it's the one song that no matter what mood I'm in, I MUST dance to. LOVE IT.
Best Lyric: So turn it up and break it down./Come on bring that beatbox back./Tell me do you feel it?
Honorable Mentions Little Boots -- "New in Town" Britney Spears -- "3" Lily Allen -- "Everyone's At It" Rihanna -- "Russian Roulette" & "Hard" Kris Allen -- "Live Like We're Dying" Kate Voegele -- "99 Times" Leighton Meester -- "Somebody to Love" & "Body Control"
Top Concerts of 2009
No Doubt It was like a flashback to the 90's. A GOOD flashback to the 90's.
Plus, hello?! Gwen Stefani totally looks like she hasn't aged a day since then, let alone had two kids.
The Sounds Worth the shotgun trip to Pittsburgh and being exhausted the next day.
Front row, bitches.
One of the best experiences of my entire life. Even if I couldn't hear properly for a good three weeks afterwards.
Britney Spears I vowed to shut up about her for awhile. Especially since this concert got it's own post wayyyyy back in March (or maybe it was April).
5. Sarah Dessen -- "Along for the Ride" After the so-so "Lock and Key" of last year...Dessen was back with "Along for the Ride." Love her stuff.
4. Russell Brand -- "My Booky Wook" Russell Brand is just so incredibly ridiculous, which is why I love him so much. And after reading Booky Wook (which gets a spot on my 2009 list because it was released in the US in 2009 (even though the Brits had it long before)), it only helped me understand who he is and why he is the way he is.
3. Jane Austen & Seth Grahame Smith-- "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" In a year saturated with werewolves and vampires...it was nice for the zombie to finally get it's day in the sun. And I LOVE the mashup of classic literature with something so different.
2. Jeff Lindsay -- "Dexter by Design" Some people disliked Lindsay's third Dexter novel...and while I can say it wasn't my favorite, it was nice to get a perspective on where Dex's "Dark Passenger" came from.
But alas, that was Lindsay's last novel and this was Lindsay's latest novel. I love how Dexter's teaching Cody and Astor all about how to be good "little monsters" and that Deb knows who Dexter is. Plus, the killer in this book? Creating human art out of cadavers and the woman in France cutting her leg off for an exhibit? So wrong and disgusting...but somehow so very right.
In an oversaturated crime genre, Lindsay's still a breath of fresh air.
Now when do I get another novel from you, Tess Gerritsen?!
1. Megan McCafferty -- "Perfect Fifths" Pure perfection. After reading all McCafferty's Jessica Darling novels, this was the absolute best way to end the series. A bit up in the air, but still finalized. I loved it. Loved it. And while I'm sad to know that McCafferty's hung up her Jess Darling for good, I'm thrilled with the way that she went out...a classic.
Honorable Mention Michael Ian Black -- "My Custom Van" (Not only was his essay about opening a scented candle shop fabulous...no one else but Black could write an essay called "Why I Used a Day-Glo Magic Marker to Color My Dick Yellow" and possibly ever get away with it as shamelessly as he does.
Top Idols of 2009
I sat down and fully inteded to rank them...but screw it. I just can't. I love each of those listed below for very different reasons...and to rank them just seems wrong for some reason.
Chelsea Handler Maja Ivarrson Leigton Meester Britney Spears Jenna Jameson Lily Allen
Top Five Boys of 2009
5. Russell Brand Brand really should be an addition to my Dirty Pretty Boy's blog post because he fits that title perfectly. Plus he's British. I really don't get it. He looks so...friggen weird. But dammit. I can't help it. It's that ridiculously witty charm of his.
4. Michael C. Hall Number 3 in 2008 Still a fucking terrific actor.
3. Mike Rowe I've just realized that three of my five "Boys of 2009" are definately not boys. I don't know when my older guy thing started (it's been there for awhile, it must have just really manifested itself this year), but jeez. Mike Rowe. I don't know why. I don't know what possesses me to declare in front of anyone whenever a Mike Rowe Ford commercial comes on, "There's my boyfriend." I don't know why I've said this so much that my mom had a dream where she told Mike Rowe I wanted to marry him. And I don't know why none of this embarrasses me.
2. David Duchovny It's got to be my obsession with The X-Files. I certainly don't watch "Californication" (don't need to get hooked on another show). But Duchovny is...Duchovny.
1. Jason Segel Number 5 in 2008 For real. Are you surprised? For real?
And I've said this before, but it's gone unanswered. Jason Segel, will you just freaking marry me already?
Top Five Oldies But Goodies of 2009
5. Megan McCafferty -- "Second Helpings" McCafferty placed on this year's Top Books...but this is my favorite book from her Jessica Darling series. The novel came at a pivetol time when I was in high school and my dark humor/sarcastic edge was just fighting to get out. Unfortunately, I kept mine tampered down, unlike Jess...but she was one of the first literary characters that I could wholeheartedly relate to. And this book struck something so deep in me. It's still my favorite today.
4. Lily Allen -- "Alright, Still" Could she be anymore tongue in cheek?
3. Chelsea Handler's "My Horizontal Life" and "Are You There, Vodka? It's Me Chelsea" Hilarious and literally laugh out loud funny.
2. Stone Temple Pilots Still loving "Tiny Music" and the fact that Sarah Michelle Gellar was in their "Sour Girl" video (with some super creepy bunnies). And the video for "Lady Picture Show" is totally one of my favorites.
1. The X-Files I can't say anyone should be shocked. Watching this show was how I spent quite a bit of my year. So I won't tell you why I love it. And I won't bore you. But it's number one. And I still love it oh so much...
Normally I absolutely love Entertainment Weekly, but I've got to express some irritation at the fact that the magazine named Beyonce one of their 15 Entertainers of the Decade (and Justin Timberlake too), but make no room for Britney Spears on their list.
Spears has been THE spotlight "It Girl" for the past ten years. And in the past year, she's been the top concert grosser.
EDIT
Chopped a huge hunk of this rant out. I don't want to seem petty or sour...so instead, I just sent EW this e-mail, which I think sums things up nicely.
Entertainment Weekly: As spot on as some of your "Entertainers of the Decade" selections were, I couldn't help but notice a huge gaping hole where Britney Spears should have been. Not only has Spears been ranked as the eighth best-selling female recording artist in the United States, she's also the fifth best-selling artist of the decade, as well as the top-selling female artist. Sure she's been tabloid fodder for the last ten years, but she's also been a trendsetter and an amazing entertainer that love her or hate her, still has people talking. The only thing that made your list bittersweet for me was the fact that EW's readers seem to realize her pop cultural relevance these past ten years by demanding you give her a place on your Readers' Choice Entertainers of the Decade list. It's nice to know that my fellow readers know what constitutes a real "Entertainer of the Decade."
