Jordan AKA Jared Leto in his former glory-
Like a pathetic fool, I spent most of my weekend catching up on episodes of 'My So-Called Life.' In the 90s, I can remember you being on and not really getting what was happening due to the fact that I was completely obsessed with other forms of pop-culture that people were trying to ram down my throat.
Clearly, if I would have known you existed, I wouldn't have wasted time on fools like Justin Timberlake (pre-banging Britney) and Nick Carter (pre-porno Paris). You're such a beloved asshole, it's no wonder Angela wanted in your pants so badly.
I may not have seen all the trials and tribulations you've put that girl through, but I've seen enough and I even know what's coming. But let's face it, how could she NOT fall for you?
I mean, your first words to her were, "It doesn't feel like a Friday." Smooth. And romantic. And that second episode kiss in your car with a girl you barely even know? Sounds like my own life, plastered on the small screen.
Despite all of this, you showed us you were flawed anyway. Can't read? No one ever taught you? My heart honestly went out to you. No wonder you acted the way you did. Product of nature.
It's because of this that we can forgive your other flaws. Pressuring Angela into having sex at a house the teens find it cool to trespass into and then getting upset when she goes to help her drugged up friend. Not going to meet her parents even when it took her days to get up the courage. Writing a song about your car when clearly she's going to think it's about her. Banging one of her best friends in the back seat of your car and having it filmed. Letting her neighbor who is also in love with her write your infamous apology love letter that wins her back.
Let's face it. Brian Krakow never stood a chance.
I understand why she watched him as the two of you pulled away. Thoughts of what could be. The safe choice. But fuck the safe choice. When was that ever any fun?
And even though you probably would have ended up living in Three Rivers the rest of your life (for real?? You named your band the Frozen Embryos?), I would have chosen you too. Put up with living in a dead end town in a dead end job.
But you're lucky, Jordan Catalano. You never had to live these particular tribulations as you only lasted a mere episode short of twenty. You're forever entombed in that world and thus perfect...a perfect asshole anyway.
And what girl doesn't love that?
If only you knew that one day you'd wake up as Jared Leto...35 (looking 25) and caking on the eyeliner. Who would have guessed?
Love--
J
Like a pathetic fool, I spent most of my weekend catching up on episodes of 'My So-Called Life.' In the 90s, I can remember you being on and not really getting what was happening due to the fact that I was completely obsessed with other forms of pop-culture that people were trying to ram down my throat.
Clearly, if I would have known you existed, I wouldn't have wasted time on fools like Justin Timberlake (pre-banging Britney) and Nick Carter (pre-porno Paris). You're such a beloved asshole, it's no wonder Angela wanted in your pants so badly.
I may not have seen all the trials and tribulations you've put that girl through, but I've seen enough and I even know what's coming. But let's face it, how could she NOT fall for you?
I mean, your first words to her were, "It doesn't feel like a Friday." Smooth. And romantic. And that second episode kiss in your car with a girl you barely even know? Sounds like my own life, plastered on the small screen.
Despite all of this, you showed us you were flawed anyway. Can't read? No one ever taught you? My heart honestly went out to you. No wonder you acted the way you did. Product of nature.
It's because of this that we can forgive your other flaws. Pressuring Angela into having sex at a house the teens find it cool to trespass into and then getting upset when she goes to help her drugged up friend. Not going to meet her parents even when it took her days to get up the courage. Writing a song about your car when clearly she's going to think it's about her. Banging one of her best friends in the back seat of your car and having it filmed. Letting her neighbor who is also in love with her write your infamous apology love letter that wins her back.
Let's face it. Brian Krakow never stood a chance.
I understand why she watched him as the two of you pulled away. Thoughts of what could be. The safe choice. But fuck the safe choice. When was that ever any fun?
And even though you probably would have ended up living in Three Rivers the rest of your life (for real?? You named your band the Frozen Embryos?), I would have chosen you too. Put up with living in a dead end town in a dead end job.
But you're lucky, Jordan Catalano. You never had to live these particular tribulations as you only lasted a mere episode short of twenty. You're forever entombed in that world and thus perfect...a perfect asshole anyway.
And what girl doesn't love that?
If only you knew that one day you'd wake up as Jared Leto...35 (looking 25) and caking on the eyeliner. Who would have guessed?
Love--
J
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