Apparently I have a talented cervix.

A few years ago, I signed this online petition for Planned Parenthood...and of course, I was put on one of those e-mail lists that is nearly impossible to get off of. Today, I noticed they'd sent me yet another ploy to get me to go to one of their rallies or give them monies that I don't have...until the subject line caught my attention.

SUBJECT: I [heart] my cervix!

Dear Julie,

This is your cervix writing.

I know, you might've forgotten I existed until you got this e-mail just now (what with vagina and clitoris always hogging all the attention). I bet you wouldn't even recognize me if you saw me — me, your very own cervix!

The e-mail goes on to talk about Pap screens and HPV vaccines. It finishes with...

Love,
Your cervix

P.S. Don't have a cervix? Forward this e-mail to the people you love who do have cervixes!

I don't know about you, but I am super impressed by how talented my cervix is. I mean, I knew that it must have a hobby or two...but writing massive e-mails? Super awesome! Most girls have cervix's that just sit there...mine will spam the hell out of you.

I have officially decided that my e-mailing cervix is more impressive than my partially intact hymen (which made its status well known to my gynecologist who thought it was absolutely adorable) that wears a bow and tap dances.

My cervix deserves its own Time Magazine article like the ones they talk about in Fight Club.

I am Jack's kidney. I aid in Jack's excretory process.

I am Anna's heart. I pump blood throughout the body.

I am Kyle's brain tumor. I eat my way through some of the most important tissue in his body and grow like a young child.

Well, watch out guys.

I am Julie's cervix. I get bored and instead of watching reruns of "Nip/Tuck," I sent out massive spam e-mails.

Bitchin'.

Admit it. You're jealous.