Flirt (...Or how to have a very dirty vagina)

As I so kindly noted a few posts back, I find myself listening to the Pussycat Dolls far more than I ever wish I would...but their hooks are catchy and their beats make the dancer of 12 years in me want to get up and shake my ass. Now I'm not going to bitch about how much their latest album doesn't compare to the first (don't get me started)...but an older unreleased track.

"Flirt" was released originally as an international bonus track...and I didn't stumble across it till this past summer.

And dammit if it isn't catchy as hell, but the lyrics are a little lacking in the intelligence department.

Now I'm not expecting the PCD to sing dissertations about British literature or wax poetic about the social clashes of the Civil War.

But I didn't expect them to put so many funny, totally not what they mean type of pictures in my head either.

Without further ado.

"Flirt" ... A Breakdown



"You wanna chill in my Lamborguine? You wanna look, but you don't wanna see."
Who is this guy? Helen Keller?
I could make so many of my terrible Helen Keller jokes rite now, but that's so not the point. Though fun fact...did you know that Helen Keller was a member and huge supporter of the Socialist movement? There's your history lesson for today.

PS: Her dog ran away shortly after the taking of this photo.

"So what do you think about that look in my eyes?
You think it's for you? You think you read minds?"
What kind of look do you seriously think a Pussycat Doll would give you? For real? For those of you who practically live under a rock or can't operate Google, here's what we're dealing with...

Um. Do those look like the kinds of girls who just flirt? For real? I mean, the girl on the far right does look like she never learned how to take a good yearbook photo...and the squat coming from her fellow PCD member somewhat in front of her may resemble a small dog that needs to be put outside and left alone for awhile...but all things considered. Seriously. They want to know why boys look at them. They want to know what makes them think boys would ever want to have sex with them.

"You better watch where you're putting those hands. You better stop if you makin' more plans."
For real. For real. "Watch where you're putting those hands." For real. Seriously?

More squatage. Watch where you put your hands...but don't watch where I drop my vagina. I just do it to air things out a bit.

"'Cause everything you do makes you look like a fool."
I highly doubt that. He'd have to be a super huge douche bag to constantly be making that much of a fool of himself.

[CHORUS] "You're looking for some dirt. I'm lifting up my skirt."

...I really wish I could say I'm surprised, but really. Are we really that surprised? This line makes me think about Nicole Scherzingwhatever spreading her leg and just having this whole dumptruck load of dirt fall out of her vagina.

You really don't need me to Photoshop that. For real. Use your imagination. Give it a whirl. It's absolutely ridiculous.

You're looking for some dirt. Hey! Look! She's lifting up her skirt to ah...um...oh.

"I'm searching for a light under me in my purse."

So THAT'S why she just released that vagina-dumptruck mound of dirt on the ground! It was blocking the light which also shines out of it! God. I wish I had such a magical box.

"You always think the worst. I just wanna flirt."

I'll bet. For real. I'll just bet.

The girls who moan and breathe heavily about 'loosening up their buttons' just want to flirt.

"You found me on my knees."

I'm not all that surprised.

"Next thing you're saying 'tease.' I'm trying to find my phone and my keys not your sleaze."

When you go around dressed like the PCD gang though...what do you expect? I mean, if doctor's dressed the way the Pussycat Dolls do and were singing this song, I might be a little confused, but would still probably get it. Though I think I'd be terrified if my doctor was dressed like a PCD, let alone actually was one (Um...Danity Kane "Damanged" video anyone?)

"My spell is like a curse,
I just wanna flirt."

My spell is like a curse. My curse is like a spell. My boat is like my ship. My cat is like my kitty. What the fuck is going on here?

"What part of no, don't you really understand?"

The N, not the O.

"One syllable words old man?"

Flirt. Sex. Pornography. Strip. Tease.

Please. Clearly they get these words. Maybe you should just try putting on more clothes so that he can think straight.

Furthermore...old man? Where the hell are they? The Shady Pines Retirement Home? Is that where they lost their keys? While they were volunteering as Candy Stripers?

"You got a problem with my space?"

I don't have a problem with your space, but I do have a problem with MySpace since it became crowded with 13-year-old emo girls taking photos of themselves in their bathroom mirrors.

"Get your muck out of my face."


Cue it up to 3:06.

"'Cause I've had it with your lies.
You're pretty damn close to being unfine.
'Cause everything you do makes you look like a fool."


Screencap says it all.

[CHORUS]
"You're looking for some dirt.
I'm lifting up my skirt."


Sue me. I couldn't help myself.

"I'm searching for a light under me in my purse."


"You always think the worst.
I just wanna flirt.
You found me on my knees.
Next thing you're saying 'tease.'
I'm trying to find my phone and my keys not your sleaze.
My spell is like a curse, I just wanna flirt."

Blah, blah, blah. I get it.

"I'm just so lucky to be walking on a wire."

Um...how is this fun? Why would one be considered 'lucky' to be doing something so stupid?

Yeah. That looks like a blast. Sign me up for wire walking next Saturday afternoon, would you?

"I'm up so high that I can barely feel your fire."

And now they're dating dragons. Why am I not surprised?

"You can't touch me, no. That's just a dream."

Yeah. A wet one.